


If Only You Knew

by fanfiction4life



Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-01 22:16:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5223011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfiction4life/pseuds/fanfiction4life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin had always pined for Haru. Not that he'll ever tell him... But after certain events, Rin becomes puzzled to Haru's incomprehensible actions. Could he finally seek for more than friendship? Like perhaps... love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Only You Knew

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo!!!! My very first work on this website. Please feel free to like or comment!!!!! The more comments and likes, the more cookie power you're giving to me to write!!!  
> Thanks !!!!

As much as Rin had tried to deny these feelings, it bounced and slammed right into his face once he met ‘that’ person once more.

Yes, he—Matsuoka Rin – is in love.

I suppose you could call it love at first sight.

It might sound sweet and romantic, but it was not. Out of all the people in the world who Rin could have fallen in love with, it just **_had_** to be a waterholic, mackerel-lover, reticent and stoned-face human.

When he said stoned face, he meant stoned face. That person does not show a whiff of emotion on that face, always giving strangers the cold shoulder and ignoring every single comment Rin made. His expression practically screams off the word ‘apathy’.

If this doesn’t sound ridiculous enough, wait until you hear about ‘his’ gender. Yes, ‘his’ gender. Rin actually—no matter how much he lied to himself about it— he had inevitably fallen in love with a boy.

-A boy named Nanase Haruka.

 All these troublesome emotions began way before they properly introduced themselves to each other. They first met in a swimming competition.

It wasn’t romantic or dramatic like in those romantic movies. No (though Rin wished it was).

Instead, that person’s swimming utterly captivated him.

The other glided through the water like as if it was the most natural thing for him to do. The hands stroked through the water like a human easily moving through the air. The form and style appeared absolutely impeccable. It was almost as if Rin’s love interest was born to swim; born to embrace what great joy water can offer.

Rin could not take his eyes off of that person throughout the whole race. Not one second.

Their second meeting occurred when Rin transferred to Iwatobi elementary school. They even got to know each other a bit better when Rin joined the swimming club… though it was Rin who initiated the conversation most of the time.

Every day, Rin bounced around the stoned-face boy like a puppy. For the first few times, Haru swatted him away and shot him those same old glares. But gradually, he allowed Rin to fling his arm around his shoulders, to be dragged into swimming competitions which he did not agree on, almost as if he was slowly accepting him.

Or maybe he just couldn’t be bothered pushing him away anymore.

As the months flew by, Haru began opening his heart to the purple headed inch by inch. He would even say a few sentences to Rin, which astonished the puppy so much he went blank for a few minutes before slapping his cheeks to see if he dreaming or not.

Whatever the reasons of Haru’s slight changes were, Rin did not question.

But Haru wasn’t the only one changing.

Rin realised he was becoming different as well. He would always find his eyes trailing after a black-headed figure. 

And get utterly embarrassed when Haru drew too close.

“Rin.”

“Hm?” Rin flinched as he dreadfully turned around to face a pair of blue eyes.

“You…” Haru turned his head away to the right, “…you’re avoiding me… lately…”

 _Shit!_ Rin mentally cursed himself.

It had already been a few weeks that Rin had attempted to implement his ninja skills. He would get out of shot ears with his tail caught between his legs whenever he saw Haru. It was supposed to be the most subtle movement. But Rin did not understand the term ‘subtly’, especially if he always flailed his arms around in a totally _manly_ fashion and do a sharp turn in the opposite direction. Right in front of Haru.

And the reason for all this? It was because he was figuring out his own feelings.

He couldn’t understand why his heart would flutter peculiarly. His stomach churned, making him sick, and heat always soared up his neck and cheeks under Haru’s intent gaze.

And the feeling completely terrified him.

“Haru, y-you’re just imagining things!” Rin laughed, scratching the back of his head. “C-come on! L-let’s go swim! T-this time I’ll win for sure!” He bolted away. Again.

 “…Rin—”

Rin didn’t look back. It was too far for him to hear Haru’s sentence.

A few months passed as Rin resumed his _subtle_ evasion. During those months, he finally settled down with the most logical conclusion.

It was love.

Rin had fallen in love – with Haru – his best friend… rival… and a boy…

How could he allow himself to betray Haru’s trust when he was beginning to open up to him? What sort of friend would he be if he sought for more than mere ‘friendship’ with a guy who was possibly _straight?_

Rin could not help but feel filthy. A complete fool. Someone who was worse than garbage.

And the chance to redeem him occurred when his parents offered him to go to Australia.

“Really, mum?” Rin’s burning eyes sparkled. “I can go to a swimming school in Australia?”

“Yes dear,” a warm smile curved on his mother’s lips. She patted gently on her son’s head before saying, “I know how much you love swimming. So I decided that maybe you should go there.” She tilted her head. “Do you want to go?”

“Yes!” Rin leaped from his spot. “I really want to go! Thanks so much, mum!”

He threw himself into his mother’s warm hug, beaming.

It was a wonderful plan

. aru wouldn’t have to be tainted by Rin’s sinful feelings. He would never find out his feelings.

By leaving for Australia, the both of them can stay best friends. Rin did not have to live in fear of Haru finding out the truth every day.

Although their paths diverged, Rin could finally throw this unspeakable dirty secret away.

It was exactly what Rin wanted…

But, almost as if God was cursing him for his cowardice, their friendship fell apart.

Rin brimmed with jealousy, watching the water accept Haru so effortlessly. He could not supress the prickly green beast in his heart. Thoughts, terrible ones, filled his mind.

_Why does he deserve that talent?_

_No matter how hard I train, why can’t I still overpower him?_

_It’s not fair!_

_He doesn’t have any right to have the talent! It should be me! Me!_

_…_

_…Why won’t he ever look at me?_

After that, Rin and Haru attempted to stick back the fragmented pieces of their relationship. It was a slow process, but it was worth it.

Still fresh from the huge fight previously, Rin did not even dream of confessing to Haru of his feelings.

He didn’t want their refreshed friendship to crumble down just when it was puzzled up again. Not once chance.

He was definitely not going to risk it. Not for his one-sided feelings.

It was decided that those feelings are to be shunned. Closed behind iron bars in his heart.

After all, he’d prefer to stay like this than to experience that cold fight ever again.

* * *

 

The doorbell rang constantly, annoying Rin with the repetitive ‘ding!’, ‘ding!’, and ‘ding!’ He slammed the magazine down on the coffee table before stomping towards the door. Once he swung the God damn door open, he met a pair of dark pink eyes.

“Rin-chan~” Nagisa sang as he suddenly clung onto Rin’s arm, “you didn’t forget about the sleepover, did you?”

 _I swear, this blond has too much energy to burn,_ Rin grumbled in his mind.

He sighed heavily, peeling the blonde boy off of him, and dumped him in front of the doorsteps. “I swear, Nagisa, you’re going to break my doorbell one day, and—” he narrowed his eyes, “drop the –chan!”

“Don’t worry,” Rei pushed his glasses up as the sun glazed over his dark eyes, “I have memorised the precise method into repairing a broken doorbell.”

Rin blinked. “What?”

Rei let out a sigh. “During our previous sleepovers, Nagisa sabotaged my poor doorbells as well, I have concluded that understanding the steps in operating the doorbell was necessary.” He patted Rin’s shoulder. “I feel your pain.”

Nagisa pouted. This time, he cupped Rei’s cheeks, putting on his best puppy face. “Rei-chan! That’s so mean~”

Rei splattered. “T-that’s because I’m only s-stating the obvious.”

“Stating the obvious doesn’t mean you should say mean stuff about your boyfriend!” Nagisa whined as he jumped onto Rei.

Rei only went beetroot red. “G-get down! This position is awkward! W-what if o-other people see?”

“Too late,” Rin pointed a finger to the approaching Haru and Makoto with their small bags and late midnight snacks, “Makoto, Haru and I all saw.”

Rei flushed deeply.

 “Hey guys!” Makoto waved a hand in the air. “Sorry for us being a little later than usual. We just had some delay from someone being stuck in the bathtub for a long time.”

Haru snapped his head towards his childhood friend. “It was only an hour.” He frowned.

“An hour can cause the skin to wrinkle up.” Rei adjusted his glasses once more. “Not beautiful.”

Haru’s frown deepened, a slight pout formed on his lips.

Rin found it kind of cute. Not that he was going to admit it out loud.

“Makoto, Haru!” Nagisa leaped up and hurled himself onto Haru. “I see that you bought some snacks!”

Haru nodded. “Mackerel, mackerel, and more mackerel.”

Nagisa pouted and rubbed his face on Haru’s shoulder. “Is that all? Is there any other food beside mackerel?”

Haru didn’t say anything. He only stared at Rin who was lurking behind the couple.

Rin, a little unnerved with Haru’s intense gaze, attempted to swat away the nervousness in his stomach. “Well, Gou’s preparing dinner.” He began to turn around to enter his house, but stopped when he remembered something. “Don’t blame me if you guys… get stomach aches during the night.” A shudder ran through his body. “Man, it took me years to get used to her… unique cooking…”

Nagisa frantically shook his boyfriend’s arm. “Rei-chan, w-what should we do? I-I don’t think I’ll survive throughout tonight!”

Rei sighed as he dragged the blonde boy into the house. “Let’s just get in. Sorry about his behaviour, Rin.”

Rin put on a tight smile as an image of Nitori, a silver-haired junior who kept calling out ‘senpai’ whenever he saw him, flashed before his eyes. “Don’t worry, I’m used to it. Believe me.”

Makoto slipped off his shoes and entered the house. His kind eyes curved whenever a genuine concern was lit up in him. “If Gou needs cooking lessons, I can help.”

Rin grimaced as he remembered a time when a certain red headed girl stuffed unidentified black objects into his mouth. Now that was an actual hell he lived through. “That would be a huge help.”

Everyone hurried into the house, buzzing with excitement on the activities they planned to do together. Everyone except Haru.

He still stood there in front of the doorsteps, drilling holes into Rin’s head with his penetrating stare.

Rin shifted uncomfortably.

 “Um…” he raised an eyebrow as he leaned on the doorframe. “If you’re going to stand here all day, be my guest, but –” he glanced down his watch, “we’ve got joint practise tomorrow and we should rest early—”

“Steak…” Haru murmured.

Rin blinked. “W-what?”

Haru turned his head away, shoving the grocery bag that contained snacks in them into the purple-head’s arms. “There’s steak in it.”

His eyes widened in shock. Did he just—why would he—what?

 “Didn’t you just buy mackerel?”

Haru deepened his frown, like as if he was pouting again.

_Cute…_

“I bought some,” Haru sneaked a glance at Rin, but turned away again, “…just for you.”

Rin opened his mouth, but clamped it shut again when no words came out. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “…um…thanks…” he muttered pathetically, “…you… didn’t have to do that—”

“I wanted to.” Haru shrugged casually.

Rin dug his teeth deep into his lips. “Um… thanks… a lot…” he admitted it with a stiff nod. “So…do you want to come in now…?”

Haru nodded. He strode through the door, past Rin and slipped off his shoes. Then, he wandered to where the others were lounging on the sofa.

Rin let out an unconscious breath as he shut the front door.

Haru was definitely going to be the death of Rin one day.

Warmth fluttered in his chest as he peeked at the grocery bag in his hands. He stepped into the kitchen, an aromatic smell wafted in the air.

He glanced at Gou who was busy humming a song while cooking.

“Did everyone come already?” Gou asked, a huge wooden spoon in her hand. Then her eyes fell on the bag. “What is that?”

“Haru brought something over.” He began ruffling through the bag.

“Oh Haru did?” His sister raised an eyebrow, a teasing smile curved up on her lips as she leaned forward on the kitchen bench. “So… what did he _buy_ you?” She enunciated.

“Nothing,” Rin replied.

“Really?” Gou smirked, shooting out the ‘I know what really happened’ look at her older brother. “If I remember correctly, I heard someone say that he bought steak—your favourite food – just you for.”

 _Damn her and her sharp ears._ “Shut up.” Rin struggled to hide the blush tinging on his cheeks.

She laughed and waved her hand dismissively. “Alright, I’ll leave you alone with the bag.” She flashed a grin before dancing around the kitchen again to prepare for their dreadful dinner.

Rin cursed under his breath before continuing looking through the bag.

In it, there was scallop, prawn, mackerel, more mackerel, fish and… more mackerel.

When Rin finally thought that Haru lied, he found what he was searching for the whole time – steak, red beautiful and juicy steak. It wasn’t much in quantity compared with the other food that Haru bought.

But Rin was hopelessly satisfied with just that. Just that alone is enough.

After all, this was Haru that he was talking about. He never imagined him to buy steak for him. All Haru seemed to think about all day were water and mackerel.

It sometimes pained Rin that he could not even beat a mackerel in Haru’s heart.

However, he couldn’t just selfishly barge into Haru’s personal space and demand to be his priority. That just wasn’t…right…

“Hey Rin-chan, hurry up! We’re deciding on the movie we’re going to watch!” Nagisa called from all the way from the lounge room, disrupting Rin’s line of thoughts.

Rin sighed as he gave one last look at the steak before striding to where all the others were.

Once he entered the room, he could see them all sprawled on the floor.

They made themselves comfortable around the house. Rei was scanning through a collection he brought with him. It spilled sophisticated language on the pages about God knows what. Nagisa shuffled through a stack of movies, throwing the ones he found uninteresting backwards, leaving the floor in a mess.

Thank goodness Makoto was cleaning up after Nagisa. Or else Rin would have been unable to control his own self and mentally breakdown.

Haru still had that same impassive expression plastered on his face. It was adorable and cute…

”What are you guys doing?” Rin folded his arms across his chest, a leg over his other one as he leaned against the wall.

Striking blue eyes were the first to snap up. Followed by Nagisa’s bright smile.

“I’ve decided! Let’s watch this!” The blonde boy shoved a movie disc into Rin’s face. “This sounds extremely interesting!”

The red-head stiffened. _This was… this movie was –_

“I’m fine with a horror movie.” Rin shrugged like as if he was cool with it. “But I’m not sure about Rei—“

“Rei-chan is fine with it,” Nagisa bear-hugged the glasses boy, throwing the book in blue-head’s hands to fly out into the air, “Right, Rei-chan?”

Rei-chan paled instantly as he saw the grotesque image in front of the movie’s cover. He leaped up from his spot. “Y-you guys can watch, I’ll be helping out Gou in the kitchen–”

“You’re going nowhere.” Two voices sang out at the same time, one from Nagisa’s mouth, and one behind Rin.

Everyone casted their attention to Rin’s direction as Gou popped up from behind her brother.

She smiled innocently. “Rei-chan, you’re staying. Right. Here.”

She pranced towards the poor glasses boy, slapping a hand on his shoulder. She pushed Rei down again and sandwiched him from the side, along with Nagisa’s help.

“Don’t. Even. Think. Of. Escaping.” The two devils spawned from hell smiled sweetly at the blue-headed victim.

Rei gulped, colour from his face drained down a plug hole in an instant. “D-don’t you need to cook, Gou?”

“Oh, Makoto offered to help just when Nagisa suggested this movie to us.” She inserted the disc into the DVD player and switched on the TV. “So you’re not going. Anywhere.”

Rin and Rei cursed as they realised that Makoto managed to flee from this situation right under their nose. The red-head turned around. The gentle boy was in the kitchen, casting a sympathetic look at him.

Rin swallowed. “Well, I’ll be helping Makoto –”

“You’re scared.” Haru blankly stared at him, sending Rin to take a step back.

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement, filled with certainty and a twinge of… taunt?

Rin bared his teeth. _Who wouldn’t be afraid? Anyone in the right mind would find –_ “Who’s scared? I can handle this!”

He immediately regretted it once it flew out of his mouth.

Haru patted the empty seat next to him on the couch. “Then sit.”

“Fine!” Rin huffed and stormed across the room to sit next to Haru. When he shifted in the couch, he could feel the heat emitting from Haru. It burned the side of his skin, alarming every single nerve in his system.

_This was a very bad idea…_

When the movie began, Rin’s whole body stiffened. He flinched whenever something popped out on the screen. He hated the dark and eerie music.

But he wasn’t doing so bad, compared to Rei…

Rei had leaped up from his spot for more than 5 times already in the first 30 minutes of the movie, only for the two people beside him to force him down again.

Rin had never felt this sorry for Rei. It was pure bad luck for the two devils to have their eyes fall on you.

Suddenly, a zombie ripped the arms off the human in the movie and gnawed on the raw flesh. Rin felt his stomach churn in disgust.

This movie was absolutely revolting… and to make matters worse, he was conscious of every single movement of the black-head beside him.

Haru covered his mouth with the hand that his chin rested on. A short and barely audible sound of supressed laughter escaped his lips.

“What?” Rin snapped his head around.

Haru faced his rival, his face emotionless as usual. But his striking blue eyes twinkled with amusement. “Nothing.”

Rin’s expression scrunched into a snarl. “What the fuck do you want?”

This time, Haru could not contain the upward twitch on his lips. “You remind me of a cute animal.”

“What?”

Haru let his arm drop to his own lap. “A cat.”

“Ughn.” Rin fought back the flush threatening to flood up his neck. He didn’t know if Haru was insinuating that he was cute, or if he was just blatantly expressing his opinion without any flirty intentions.

Either way, God forbid if Haru was actually attempting to toy with Rin. He knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it calmly without floundering like an idiot.

Rin took several deep breaths to calm his pounding heart. He surely didn’t want Haru to notice his current unstable state of mind. “Y-y-you… m-me… w-we… I m-mean – what the h-hell?”

Haru blinked. Silence between them stretched for a whole good 2 minutes before Rin sighed and resumed watching the horror movie. Soon the recent conversation was tossed aside in his mind after he submerged in a world full of hard-core gore.

Even though the movie contained an abundant amount of jump scares, Rin was still not accustomed to it. He could not help but jolt in his seat, the hair on the back of his neck prickling up every time a zombie leaped out from a corner.

Since he was too absorbed into the horror, little did he know a certain blue-eyed boy’s gaze burned on him, gauging out his every reaction.

“So cute,” a whisper escaped Haru’s thin lips, soon to be drowned by shrills of screams and zombie growls before anyone else heard it.

**Author's Note:**

> Await patiently for the next chapter!!!!!


End file.
